all my life have battled with self esteem and confidence issues. for years i had been put down and made fun of by just about everyone, even some family members (my mother included), so i knew it wasn't going to be a quick fix.
i worked through most of the pain through some books and with the help of my amazing husband. and if you ask those who knew me during my dark period they can tell you that by the end of the book stage i had come worlds from where i was. but i still wasn't 100%.
it was soon after this that i really got into yoga. i did it then to help ease my pain and past injuries, little did i know all it would do for me. as you all know i was able to reverse all the pain issues (i no longer needed to take pain killers, use heating pads or icy hot, or beg my poor husband for back rubs, and was able to make my knee like a knee again, which in itself is a miracle. i also lost 50 pounds. it's funny how it all starts with something right? little do we know that how the journey starts or what caused it to begin would be the main reason for it.
once the physical pain was gone it began healing the emotional and mental pains. i was able to leave my ego out of the equation and just have fun on the mat. if i fell, no worries; if i flew, then great! it also became a source of therapy for me, an outlet. bad day at work, take it out on the mat. get in a fight with my mom, take it out on the mat. feeling insecure, take it out on the mat. it didn't matter what life threw at me, i could handle it, i could work through it.
i noticed once i started to gain more confidence i was able to do more challenging poses, poses i had on the "will never be able to do" list. now it seems like i am crossing another one off that list all the time!
i am also becoming more comfortable in my skin. i'm no afraid to wear what i want or do my hair how i want. if someone doesn't like it, that's fine. it's their opinion and they are entitled to it. i am also not shying away from wearing something that may show a little leg or is form fitting. recently my husband told me that i am walking and holding myself with more confidence. this came up after i said that it seems wherever i go lately, people are so nice to me, and i'm still not use to that. i was use to people not seeing me, feeling invisible. and i believe this is because at the time, subconsciously, i wanted to be invisible. now i feel like i have hidden from the world for too long, so i am putting myself out there. already i have had some amazing opportunities happen: first a tv spot on a local channel for a big name company, then my photo in yoga journal, and soon a modeling shoot with a local clothing company. i still can't believe all this has happened. i keep telling myself that this is God's way of letting me know that i have chosen the right path in life. even it meant basically losing my mother and sister.
i am also making things happen, i wanted to learn belly dancing and i had a feeling others would, so i went about setting up a workshop at the studio. same with acro yoga.
29 has been a life changing year for me; from opening up my own yoga studio (a dream come true), to getting a tattoo (thank you again cyber mom), to being ok with who i am and loving myself just the way i am, to going out there and trying fun and exciting things, like acro yoga.
as a child my childhood was taken away from me, i had to basically raise my little sister from 9 until i got thrown out of the house. so i never knew it was ok to do things that made me happy, to live life and enjoy doing so... and now i am!
so here's to living life to it's fullest, on and off the mat!
namaste!!!!!!
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