Months ago I began my journey into a Handstand. Sounds easy enough right? Well it certainly can be. However along the road to achieving this pose I learned a lot about myself, I also learned how to trust and believe in myself. I know what you're thinking, how can doing a handstand have anything to do with anything other than standing on your hands, well you would be surprised.
In my own practice I like to work on a pose, whether this means taking it a step further or just mastering the basic form of it. A few months ago I decided on Handstand. I had just mastered my Headstand and didn't think it would be that difficult. Boy was I in for a surprise! I would come into the prep pose, be ready for lift off…. then I would freak out. As soon as my standing leg would lift my heart would begin a rapid pace and I would have to come back to all 4 limbs. I couldn't believe how scared I was. Yes, having your head be the lowest point of your body is scary, but this went beyond that. This was me not trusting myself enough to do this pose. I was scared my wrists or elbows would buckle and I would fall on my head, even though they didn't give any hints that they would.
So, for the first month I kept it simple. I did my little prep kicks every day, and after a few weeks I began to keep my heart safely in my chest, rather than my throat. This was a big accomplishment for me. Then I began to kick a little higher, which again, brought me back to square one, heart in throat and sweaty palms. I had to just sit back and laugh at myself. I was my only hindrance in this scenario. I knew I had the muscle strength, but for some reason I didn't have the mental or courage strength. So I put my kicks on hold. I decided to get out of my head and just have fun.
What this lead to was doing cartwheels. Who knew a single cartwheel could have such a profound effect on me. So I would just take breaks from what I was doing and just did cartwheels around the studio. I am pretty sure anyone walking by thought I had lost my marbles! I didn't worry about doing any handstands, just cartwheels. Not only was it a blast to do, but… dun, dun, dunnnn!!!!! It also put my head as the lowest part of my body. Here I was cart wheeling around the room not realizing I had placed my head in the same jeopardizing position. That's when it hit me, and it hit me hard. I COULD DO THIS!
So I began to toss in a handstand in between cartwheels. From there my progression into the pose was quite fast. I would alternate between doing them (handstands) at the wall and in the center of the room. When I began at the wall I scared myself the first time my foot landed against it, but I took a deep breath, told myself I could do this, and pushed through. I also began to visualize myself doing a full handstand. I would imagine would it would feel and look like.
Each day I would improve a little bit more. Then one day I turned to my 4lb Chihuahua, Mojito, who found this whole ordeal very interesting, and told him, "today I will do a full handstand," to which he replied with a comforting kiss. So I took my mat over to the wall and began to kick up, suddenly it wasn't just one leg touching the wall, it was two! (Who cares if that was only for a second, it happened!) So during my next break I went back over to the wall and did it again, this time it was a full handstand! I wish I could describe the rush I felt! It was incredible! It wasn't that I was able to do this pose it was that I did this pose. I trusted myself to do it.
I am still working on being able to hold this pose up away from the wall, but for now that's just a moot point. I achieved my main goal in this pose, for me I have already mastered this one. I have found the ability to truly trust myself, and that in itself is a pretty amazing pose!
I will leave you all with a quote that resonates strongly within me right now…
"The turning point in the process of growing up is when you discover the core of strength within you that survives all hurt.”
- Max Lerner
- Max Lerner
Namaste,
april
